The New Challenge

30 miles down the freeway
windows open
wind blowing freely through the car
arm bare feeling the wind
trying to really feel it as i head
to the lymphedema specialist
to be fitted for a sleeve
a sleeve they say
forever
all day every day
tight
hot
in the way
uncomfortable
putting it on alone is a nightmare
rubber gloves with their little bumps
help to smooth it up to my shoulder
new rules and routine
come with it
wash it every night
cream on the arm
to prevent skin breakdown
which is possible and ugly
no lifting anything over 10 pounds
wear gloves in the yard, the kitchen
anywhere where a scratch or cut is possible
me who has everything in sight
all over me
and despises wearing gloves
i want to feel the dirt, the plants
the sand
the trees
the water
the wind
i wear it for a week
to see if the compression
in the wrist is enough
to take the hand and finger swelling down
if not
then we add the glove which is awful
and more limiting
pray with me that it doesn't come to that
the ride home was frustrating
confined covered uncomfortable
all that for over $100 which medicare won't cover....
coming into the house hot and tired
my first instinct is to rip it off
and i started to
and then remembered
i can't
or
shouldn't
if i want to take care of myself....
one more mountain to climb
with legs that are weak and weary.......