story people

Here's the Story of the Day:
Words of Comfort

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling rain & remember it is enough to be taken care of by myself.

how is wish this were true every day...today it's hard to believe.....

the unknown

further tests yesterday confirmed a quadruple increase in my sed rate within the last month....( not even sure what that means and reading on the internet is very scary)
dr baffled so far...tripled my prednisone dose which makes my body go crazy.......i see him again monday.....
fear looms when the unknown appears.......

issues, issues, issues

Routine blood work has found that the sed rate which measures PMR has quadrupled in the space of a month as well as another # which reflects a flare -up has tripled......so i need to see the rheumatolgist and my internist has doubled my prednisone dose..... not at all what i need..... the joint pain from the arimidex continues so goddess only knows what the hell in going on......all i know is i'm in pain and the prednisone is screwing up my body in general....
ohhhhh for a day when i can fell like myself......

ONGOING PAIN

some kind of flare up going on with the PMR....mornings are awful - i can hardly move with the leg and hip pain.....after a couple of hours and pills , things are a bit better....it is so discouraging....
am i paying the price for my trip and my dancing?????
was it worth it????
am having more blood tests tomorrow to check sed rate which determines if it is a flare up or something else....

Melancholy

Things i am missing about the North Shore - where Beverly Ma is....
my family
Rose Hip Farm
fried clam rolls
lobster of any kind
the smell of the Atlantic ocen
everything so green
small towns
new england architecture
home made ice cream stands
maple walnut ice cream
large sprawling yards familiar
smells, sounds, sights from my childhood...
i always feel real melanchly coming back home.....

Guess what I did on Sunday!

i haven't been able to dance for close to a year and made the decision as part of healing my body and soul that i would do the fall showcase even tho i hadn't practiced much, was exhausted from my trip and the joint pain is still bad. it was a miraculous day - i did it very well and got lots of amazing feedback..... the judge said he couldn't find anything to correct or criticize and felt it was a truly spiritual experience..... a perfect stranger told me i was the most graceful and beautiful dancer all day !!!!!!!!! how's that for healing power !!!!!

VACATION BREAK

apologies to faithful readers who have emailed and asked "what's up"
I went back to Beverly MA - my birthplace to visit sisters and brother....5 out of 6 of us were there....so i took a break from posting. it was exhausting to travel and unlike when i'm home i didn't rest every day so my body is screaming with fatigue and pain. The joint pain from the Polymyalgia Rheumtica and drug side effect flared up. All i want to do is sleep.
i did have a wonderful time along with the melancholy and sadness that always overpowers me when i am there.... as in any family, issues from the past and present can bring on emotional pain and helplessness...
my pefect joy of the trip was Alamo's rental car.....i signed up for the least expensive economy car and look what awaited me in the lot...!!!@!!!!! a PT Cruiser
i was overwhelmed and overjoyed with excitment as i have always wanted a convertible....the weather was perfect the whole time and i never had the top up night or day..... !!!!!!! why have a convertible with a top up ?????!!!!
I reconnected with a couple of high school and college friends which was fun....
being away was theraputic and now the reality of physical therapy and healing is back on a daily basis.
the lymphedema behaved - swelled more on the plane but faithfully wore the damn glove and sleeve every day.....