biopsy

tomorrow i will finally have another biopsy on the other breast after 2 postponements because of a burn infection on my lymphedema hand....
i had the choice of waiting and watching it for 6 months or doing a j wire biopsy now....i chose the biopsy even tho i hate the thoughts of anaesthesia....but i don't want the wondering and worrying for 6 months... they told me it looked benign but they can't be sure without a biopsy...
i am shaky and scared today but have to believe that everything will be OK.....
please hold good thoughts for me......

Soothing peaceful evening

You've heard of the Balm of gilead......i believe in the balm of kd......
i had the chance to see kd lang in her "watershed"concert in s.f. tues eve......
it was just what i needed to "mend my wounded seams, ....cleanse my tarnished dreams" .... as one of her songs says ......there is a video interview with her at amazon with clips from some of the songs from her new album...
her voicenalways heals me....
the best part of the evening was i got spend some time with chris as christa and ben were away in Minnesota and it was a chance for a "date"with my son....

Easter blessings

Ostara (pronounced Oh-star-ah) is also called Eostre, Easter, Vernal Equinox, Spring Equinox, and the First Day of Spring. This is the time of year when day & night are equal, and heralds the return of longer days. Signifying when light triumphs over darkness.

In countries that are located in the Northern Hemisphere this is a time when seeds are planted. This relates to the neo-pagan philosophy of planting new ideas for the coming year.

Ostara/Eostre is the German Goddess of the Dawn/Spring. Ostara is one of the most important of all the Germanic holidays. Eostre symbols are the egg and the rabbit. The story behind this is that a white rabbit fell in love with Eostre and to demonstrate his love, he laid colored eggs everyday.

The rabbit symbolizes innocence and continuing fertility. The egg symbolizes birth and rebirth. Estrogen's root word is Eostre. The legend of the egg hunt comes from the fact that birds (chickens) were not as domesticated as they are now and in the spring our forefathers would literally have to hunt for the eggs.

The neo-pagan version of Ostara is a celebration of birth and new life. The time of year when death holds no power over the living. It is the return of the Goddess after her winter hibernation. It is the time of the year when the Goddess and God consummate their love. Many of the neo-pagan Ostara rituals have fertility implications and are largely sexual in nature.

Two other cultural Ostara celebrations are Greek and Christian: The Greek myth of Persephone also has it relates to Ostara. When Persephone returns in the spring, her mother's joy brings forth life once more to the world. Easter, which is celebrated on the first Sunday after the first full moon falling after Ostara. The Christianity version of Eostre also follows the rebirth pattern.

Ostara is mainly a day to celebrate new life and new beginnings. It is a time to plant new ideas and seeds for the future, both literally and figuratively.

BLESSED BE NEW BEGINNINGS......

spring morning

May spring enchant the new life,
shy and hesitant within me,
and set the rhythm for my sluggish feet
in a dance of holy yearning.
Author unknown

balance

the extreme daily pain thankfully is balanced with my three little boys...this past sunday they came to make easter cookies....i think they ate more dough than they cut out
we also had lots of fun playing inside and out....
they are such angels - not a moment's headache or problem of any kind....
i am so blessed to have these delightfully special creatures in my life.....
I am pretty much laid out flat with an horrific cold

biopsy news

a visit with the surgeon today came up with another postponing of the breast biopsy surgery.....
the burn is not healed as well as she's like to see it and i woke up this morning with a horrible head cold.....so that also means no surgery....
she told me to relax about it and just wait.......
relax???? me????
i wish it were over...
the trauma of the burn has caused tremendous swelling of the lymphedema hand and arm - not a pretty sight.....

biopsy issue

a couple of weeks ago, my breast biopsy was postponed because of an"abnormal" EKG which turned out to be normal after a 2nd one....
now there is a chance that it will be postponed again because of a mean infection on the hand that has lymphedema. For the rest of my life, that hand and arm are supposed to be protected as best as is possible from any kind of cut, bruise burn etc....as any one of those an easily cause serious infections and further affect the lymphatic system....
well 2 weeks ago while shopping for rotisserie chickens to bring to Inger's family - i burned the back of my hand reaching into the hot tray....the burn was about 3 by 4 inches......
the first visit to the internist decided just to watch it and apply antibiotic cream - she didn't think it was infected at the time....
it blistered, the blisters fell off and yesterday with my check up with the oncologist, she said it was hot and red and infected so she put me on a regimen of antibiotics....
the swelling of the lymphedema is quite bad caused by the trauma of the burn.....
my surgeon will look at it monday morning to decide if the surgery is a go on tues......
on more wave to ride.....
i of course don't even want the surgery, but given that it is the best thing to do - i want to get it over with.....

happy day!

today Ben spent the day here as he had a cough that might not have worked at school.....
i really needed the joy and happiness as i am in constant pain just about all over my body....
the side effects of the post cancer drug are just awful..... every muscle and joint hurts....sometimes i can hardly move....
we went to the bagel store for a morning snack, took a tour of the local garden center and then spent over an hour "making mud pies together"
a bath in the sink was in order!!!!!

Ben and his pacifier

Many of you are familiar with my daughter in law Christa's blog about life with Ben and the phenomenon of hyperlexia which is the daily journey of their family. If you haven't found Christa's blog, I'd invite you to read the latest post - (it's long but well worth it) where she describes Ben's grief of giving up his pacifier. It is an exquisite portrait of parents validating and supporting the grief of a little boy whose heart is broken.....

more trauma

the biopsy has been postponed because of "an abnormal" EKG ....
my internist called today with that news which of course caused a huge meltdown....i was scared enough of the biopsy - now i'm scared about whatever an "abnormal" EKG can mean.....
she sent me for another EKG and tons of lab work this afternoon and will see me on Wed. to see if she can figure out what's going on....
the surgeon and anaesthegeologist won't do surgery if they see anything that is "abnormal"
It's been a day with lots of tears.....

another scare

tomorrow i will have another biopsy on the other breast as last week's mammogram turned up a new individual calcification.....
i had the choice of waiting and watching it for 6 months or doing a j wire biopsy now....i chose the biopsy even tho i hate the thoughts of anaesthesia....but i don't want the wondering and worrying for 6 months... they told me it looked benign but they can't be sure without a biopsy...
i am shaky and scared today but have to believe that everything will be OK.....
please hold good thoughts for me......