catching up

i am back at the keyboard tired, grouchy and overwhelmed at many levels after a 10 day trip to MA to visit my family.....
it was a great time being with them and i miss them a lot....however the humidity and heat wave did me in .... the medication i'm on causes horrific hot flashes through out the day and they were multiplied back east....
i truly need a vacation to recover - i spent far too much time driving..... didn't take the time to just hang out at the beach or anywhere for that matter.....
visiting family members, high school and college friends took up most of the time.....
i had a few trials of being lost and my phone out of service but managed to find my way "back home"
i almost succumbed to the notion of a GPS based on the lost experiences..... they do have a place , i guess......
flying did cause more swelling of the lymphedema but mostly it maintained itself - thankfully.....
i do now have some ugly blisters as the fluids are quite backed up.... the hope is to keep them as blisters - not break them which can lead to ugly infections.....
the plane trip back to s.j. was its own nightmare which i will write about next time.... my fatigue level is still pretty high right now and all i want to do is sleep......
traveling while doing lots of drugs and not being strong and able as i once was is quite an undertaking....
but i am here, safe and blessed to have a home to come back to......
more soon.....

www.gratefulness.org
WORD FOR THE DAY
Saturday, Jul. 12

There are moments when I feel like giving up or giving in, but I soon rally again and do my duty as I see it: to keep the spark of life inside me ablaze.

Etty Hillesum

An Interrupted Life

ROUGH DAYS

i sit here - 2 fans going and still dripping hair and clothes....
i have been away from the computer for a few days as the heat is so unbearable that it actually hurts to just sit here and try to type...
the sleeve garment is out of the question for these past few eays. as it gets soaking wet very quickly
i'm sure the swelling is worse
the physical therapsit says it isn't but it feels that way in the heat....
the drugs i take to prevent cancer recurrence cause awful hot flashes
the prednizone for PMR (remember that ??!) causes hot flashes and the weather only adds to them...
much of everything else is the same except for an increase in pain medication to try and keep the pain at bay....it still is there but the edge is a little less....
a new dog hwleing next door after having a very quiet neighbor for 20 years has my nerves even more on edge than ususal......
on top of that the refrigerator and freezer quit in the midst of the heat yesterday - repairs to the defrost mechanism fixed it but cleaning out spoiled food and now today faced with lots of sticky towels, sticky shelves and a really sticky floor is adding to my frustration level....
the doctor is playing with a day on - a day off with the prednisone and i can feel my body going nuts with the change....
so to put it all together
whine, whine, whine......
all is can say is i have a right to whining....
i want my life back....and today it isn't in sight....

The Summer Day
by Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?