STRUGGLE

I hate war and everything it stands for so i went looking for synonyms for what i feel is going on inside and outside my body.....
"struggle" felt like the least violent.....
all day today has been a battle (another word i dislike immensely)
give in to the desperate feelings.... get up, move and follow the old adage "you can do it "
yes, i can....
and today was harder than a lot of days....the pain, the fatigue, the lonliness.....
feeling physically and emotionally beaten (another of those violent words)
yet having this really loud voice constantly challenging me.....
if you'd walk
if you'd get busy
if you'd listen to music
if you'd watch a movie
it you'd distract yourself
if you'd call someone
...you'd feel better.....
i didn't do any of the above
i don't feel better.....