I made it through another one - 3rd treatment of TAXOL....not easily - but I did it....
morning was a roller coaster of tears, fears and shaking - lots to do with the massive doses of steroids i have to take the night before to prevent allergic reactions...
the other thing is the cellular memory of past experiences..... i believe our bodies store memories deep in our cells and no matter what our mind might tell us about "relax, you can do this, calm down..." my body remembers on awaking that it's treatment day...
it also remembered allergic reactions i had when i had the 3rd treatment of Remicade which was an infusion drug for the PMR condition which i still have.
My veins collapsed after 2 tries in different places so it took a while to find a 3rd place which hurt more during the 4 hour drip than previous ones had.
I never do relax sitting there and envy others in the room that just drift off to sleep the whole time...
I did listen to lots of Irish music on my ipod but so much of it is melancholy that it made me wish to be in Ireland... and also took me back to my childhood memories of singing around my grandmother's piano with aunts, uncles and cousins singing Irish melodies...
i am sad that my children will not have that memory....
About Me
- eileen
- San Jose, California, United States
- Passionate woman whose life is blessed with 2 incredible sons and their awesome wives, 3 amazing grandsons, sisters and brothers who love one another, an unbelievable circle of friends, dancing, a rose garden, a beautful home filled with lots of things I love... all of which tender me to healing and wholeness.
5 comments:
yeah!!! Number 7 down and only ONE -*One* - more to go!!! I'm so proud of you hanging in there... not much longer with this rotten stuff!! Sending love from Oregon.
BYE BYE CHEMO!! ONE MORE AND IT'S OVER! YIPPEE! HANG IN THERE. LOVE GERI
Congratulations on making it through another treatment! It must take tremendous emotional energy to go through each one of these treatments. It makes sense that you would be vulnerable to feeling melancholy. Those times around the piano sound so sweet. Of course you miss them, especially this week with the arrival of St. Patrick's Day. Knowing you, I'm sure that your children have wonderful memories that they will tell their children about too. My wish for you is that you may hold the joy and the sadness of celebrating your heritage as you continue to recover from your treatments.
You can see the end of the road finally; good on you! You must know that you are strong! A blessed and happy St. Paddy's day to you. You should've played some of the drinking songs from the old country, even though you don't drink. Most of them are funny, or if not they are ridiculous! Slainte and love,
Maureen
Seven down one to go. Good for you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel I can see it from my house. Happy Irish Day ! ! ! !
Love Maureen
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