a scary pain

my "new' sleeve which is tighter and has a compression pad on the palm of my hand has a strong piece of thread - carpet type - on the seam between my thumb and forefinger....
it has been rubbing, chafing and hurting on that space....
i did not know there was a nerve right there and fri and sat i had horrendous pain shooting up my arm and it scared me....
i finally remembered my friend who also wears a garment - different than mine - but she had to get it adjusted as the nerve pain was caused by the area between thumb and finger was too tight....
i took off the new garment - put the old one back on and told my physical therapist about it yesterday.....
she took the new one to fix the seam so it won't cut or hurt...
i'm already worried as there is the beginning of a blister there and there is supposed to be no cuts, scratches, etc on this hand or arm......
I keep reading more lymphedema pages to learn more and more but they are pretty depressing with all the warnings and "rules" i did find a really good site for lots of answers about the condition.....
mostly everywhere says the occurence is low percentage and i had to fall in that low % range, that it is an ugly diagnosis... and there are lots of do's and dont's
if you want to know more here is a really informative place to go....and here is another really good site
i try my best to stay positive but the heat and this garment does me in physically and emotionally and people asking all the time about the garment brings up the discussion and reality of breast cancer......even tho i am cancer-free - it is very difficult to talk about....

Quote for today

Milk-toast-ness is a sin. Neutrality in the heat of injustice is a sin. Passionlessness is a sin, a misuse of our love-energy.

Matthew Fox in Sins of the Spirit, Blessings of the Flesh

Happy Summer Solstice!

This picture is from one of my favorite websites
called HERONDANCE...................
they send out a beautiful free newsletter with art, poetry and reflections on our relationship with nature.
........they have prints, cards and books which make beautiful gifts. I know you will enjoy a visit to their site......
I sure would like a cooler solstice to celebrate as the thick, heavy compression sleeve is a nightmare to be wearing.... it is soaking wet with sweat inside and out.....i've had to take it off a few times today to let it dry out.....
and of course the heat doesn't help the swelling.....

Summer is the time when one sheds one’s tensions with one’s clothes,
and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit.
A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all’s right with the world.
~Ada Louise Huxtable

meltdown

wed and today i had meltdowns at the physical therapy session.....
wed. -my therapist decided i ought to be wearing a stockinette sleeve underneath the huge garment to help absorb perspiration so my skin won't "breakdown" which is one of the dangers of lymphedema - just what i need is another layer in this heat....
today - the sleeve maker came by with a new design - tighter and higher up to my shoulder to provide more compression....i really had to struggle to get it on and was cursing and crying at him and the garment.... he means well but tries to cheer me up and keeps saying"come on, let's see that lovely smile....." even being a pacifist - i want to smash him with the garment
the heat makes all of this even more unbearable....
i am real crabby today.........good thing there is no one here to crab at.....
heaven hlep the comcast technician due here momentarily to see what is wrong.......
i am just about sure my TV has died ..... it's very old and its time is probably up.....
i'm in no mood to hear that the tv is gone.....

Heartsick again

June 30, 1981 NOW sponsors ERA Countdown Rallies in over 180 cities to draw attention to the ERA deadline of June 30, 1982, and to dramatize the wide support for the ERA.
Tim, Chris and I were in Boston and attended a rally there.........(I still have the t-shirt which now wouldn't even fit my right ankle....!!!!! )
then.................a year later........it was defeated.....as it has been over and over.....
I remember well that day when i heard the news and i cried.... my heart was sick.....
that same horrible feeling has been clinging these last few days as the news of Hillary's campaign suspension becomes real........

“ Section 1. Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.
Section 2. The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.
Section 3. This amendment shall take effect two years after the date of ratification."

heart and body ache

My body continues to be in pain all of the time - nights are the worst....
add to that the pain in my heart for Hillary and for the dream shattered of seeing someome who looked like me in the oval office....
I am very sad today as she said goodbye to her campaign and only wish the following can ease my pain.....
"Although we weren't able to shatter this highest, hardest glass ceiling this time, thanks to you, it's got about 18 million cracks in it, and the light is shining through like never before," she said.
I believe that this picture shows some sadness that she of course cannot afford to show now or ever.....
today is a day for tears........

Family Volleyball

Liam is getting real good at writing and likes to practice with notes....so sunday while the "grownups" were eating he composed this invitation for us....

(if you can't read the yellow it says volleyball game)

ben and ronan were wrapped up in a dvd of the backyardigans so note the invitation involves "one kid"...
turns out the volleyball game became much more interesting than tv to the little ones so after a few minutes of just the "1 kid" it turned into a full blown family adventure.....
i even played a few minutes with 1 arm and hit a few really good shots....