vortex

every day i feel more and more like i am being swept into some kind of vortex where there is no escape....
doctor visits, phone calls, test results, conversations.....all to no avail so far.......
the latest is to cut back on the pain drugs and see what happens
-my internist thinks i need to just wait things out
-my rheumatologist says go ahead and have the procedure
-the surgeon's report to my internist recommends waiting it out....
one of the biggest issues is that there is so much damage and pain in ribs and surrounding vertebrae that the procedure will only begin to address the pain
also i am allergic to the antibiotic which they routinely insert in the glue
-surgery has its risks so why do it if i can "tough it out" for a month or more and see what happens.......
i am very confused about what to do..........so far i am in the throes of waiting which has its own psychological pain.
the drugs i am on are strong narcotics and drain my energy and cause me to want to sleep all the time
i am isolated, and depressed about the whole picture-sometimes days go by without the phone ringing or inbox having any messages but spam......
and the vortex has me dizzy and exhausted.............
to repeat
IT SUCKS !