2ns treatment today of Taxol - a long day of sitting in the chair from 11-3 as the bags dripped slowly.... tears came easily, relaxation almost impossible... i listened to my ipod,talked a little to the woman next to me and visited with my friends who faithfully accompany me...
too exhausted to even read the gossip magazines...
now the next few days the lower body bone pain sets in.... i'm hoping i can breathe thru it of course with the help of pain drugs...the broken shoulder pain is already quite bad....
the dr says my counts are very high - no signs of anemia - good news....
yesterday was the first time i said out loud to myself....I don't want to do this anymore... I'm done.... I am going to quit.....
but today with fear and some kind of mysterious strength and knowing you are all out there with your good thoughts,healing energy and prayers.... I DID IT
HOORAY FOR ME...!
and blessings for each and all of you who are with me on this difficult journey....
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5 comments:
It is so freeing to allow oneself to say, "I'm quitting" if that's what is felt. The act of permitting yourself to say it out loud, to not make it taboo and put on a happy face all the time, means you validate yourself. I've found that when I permit myself this, I usually find the release enough, and am able to persevere with the original plan.
You can't quit. There is plenty more life to go. You need to allow these drugs to kill that nasty disease.
Love you
Maureen
Thou shalt not quit!!!! In school, they used to say "offer it up for your sins"...remember! How funny was that! Seriously, this is something you need to stay with, through the pain, through the sadness, through the tears. I love you, Geri
I can understand your wanting to quit...it's so hard to go back every other Thursday and submit to all that you know is going to happen. I don't blame you for feeling that. Lord only knows what I'd feel and do under those circumstances. But....... spring is coming...it's not far off... you can do it... you're not a quitter.... you can do it.
Just look how far you've come already. Keep remembering how much you've already gone through compared to what's ahead. It must be so scarey, but I know you can do it...love and energy and prayers,
meg
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